Dave Thorp's Blog

The family of UCLAN student Xuan Wei aka Cookie are seeking compensation from UCLAN for her death. Are they absolutely insane??

It was a Preston Bus vehicle not UCLAN that killed her. If anyone should pay it should be them.

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New month, new aims

Aim One

Aim one is to solve the total drama that is the Russell Brand, Jonathan Ross and Andrew Sachs debarcle by telling everyone, IT WAS A JOKE…. GET OVER IT!

Aim Two

Aim two is to celebrate Stuart’s second birthday this month by having a meal out again but this year make a point of only inviting the people who could be bothered to come last year (or who actually had a decent excuse)

Aim Three

Aim three is to tell Gordon Brown that in this day and age of economic recession perhaps he has some bigger concerns than a schoolboy prank gone wrong

Aim Four

Aim four is to lock children’s TV character Handy Manny in a small padded room and not let him out until he realises that his tools can’t really talk, it is just the drugs making him think they can

Aim Five

Aim five is to take the shock element out of Russell Brand revealing he has slept with Andrew Sachs’ granddaughter by looking at this from a statistical point of view. There are very few people’s granddaughters that Russel Brand hasn’t slept with so frankly it shouldn’t come as a surprise

It’s freezing, but why should that stop Nostradamus giving people food poisoning on his very own barbecue. Well it wont but only if he got two of last month’s predictions right

A house somewhere in Preston will put their Christmas decorations up despite the fact that it is still well over two months until the event…. whilst we haven’t actually spotted anyone that has done this, we are going to give Nosty the benefit of the doubt on this as we have not checked every house in Preston and frankly someone must be sad enough to put Christmas decorations up a whole 3 months early

Gordon Brown will resign as Prime Minister…. nope, why would he do that when there are really important issues like Prank Calls still to wipe out

The third coming of Jesus Christ will occur some time this month (the first coming being the one in the bible and the second coming being Harold Bishop from Neighbours)…. nope, the Church probably doesn’t even acknowledge the second coming despite all the evidence to the contrary so expecting a third coming was expecting too much

So no barbecue once again however two out of three of the following predictions right will mean next month Nosty could be enjoying some nice barbecued turkey.

Prediction One

At least one member of Stuart Thorp’s family will forget his birthday

Prediction Two

Russell Brand will reveal that as well as having slept with Andrew Sachs’ granddaughter, he has also slept with Andrew Sachs

Prediction Three

This month will be hotter than it was during summer this year