Well it’s that time of year again where we look back at the events of the last year.
January
- We are forced to leave the wedding do for my Dad’s Wedding early. We don’t really miss much
- Yet another item of electrical equipment breaks down
February
- I turn 28 which puts me just 2 years away from my life being over
- The earth shakes, buildings quake but rather than being a portent of doom from Nostradamus it’s just the birth of the latest addition to the Thorp family
March
- The local constabulary come bursting into the wrong flat, totally abuse their powers and cause untold distress to myself, Yvonne, Stuart and Alex who was only 2 weeks at the time. They have yet to respond to our complaint or compensate us
- Easter comes, no one cares!
- I discover something truly horrific. Smarties no longer have plastic lids with letters in them
April
- Stuart starts waking us up stupidly early
May
- I get accused of stalking someone. Ironically since putting them on block on MSN and facebook they’ve sent me wonderful emails inviting me to join them on bebo or some other similar crappy site. Just remind me which one was meant to be the stalker?
- Our curse with electrical appliances continues as our PC blows up quite spectacularly nearly killing me in the process. Fortunately, my mum saves us from another death like fate of having to buy a new one from brighthouse
- Scan computers decide that Bolton is actually in Germany and issue us with 2 german keyboards
June
- Firefox 3 is released. 2 seconds later mozilla’s servers melt from the strain
- Yvonne turns 21! Oh those were the days!
July
- I discover that all the time I was using Avon’s male face scrub, I was actually scrubbing my face with lard
- I come up with the revolutionary dieting product, diet air. I’m still waiting to hear from Dragon’s Den
- This blog moves over to a new blogging platform
- I complain that it is too warm. Which is better than right now when it is bloody freezing
August
- I get fed up with Kaspersky internet security’s tendancy to blue screen of death several times a day
- The faceparty website finally admits itself to be a haven for very bad men who should be hit with bricks
- We finally get a house meaning that we no longer live below a drug addict who thinks he owns a nightclub and that we no longer have to cram 4 people into 1 bedroom. This is good!
September
- We have a housewarming party and make Nostradamus jealous by having a barbecue
- A bunch of greeks declare war on the Challenge! TV channel over a question on a quiz show they made over 2 years ago. Oh and they also declare war on Richard Arnold as he hosted the show. I tell them to get a life. They dont listen!
October
- A 17 year old male complains about his teacher filming him having sex with a girl he picked up in a nightclub after his teacher agreed he could use the room to have sex with her. I ask WHY?????
- Preston Bus kill yet another unsuspecting member of the public. Somehow they are still on the roads
- Karina leaves deal or no deal. And I discover by name dropping hot women from deal or no deal onto this blog, I can increase my search traffic tenfold
November
- I launch my very own accident helpline dedicated to telling people who have had accidents that they should have been more careful
- Stuart turns 2 and we have a birthday meal for him where we take lots of piccies. Oh and one member of Stuart’s so called family doesn’t bother getting him a present, sending him a card or in fact doing anything. Just as Nostradamus foretold! One has to wonder if his fake son got the same treatment
- I launch a campaign to get Mr Sulu crowned king of the jungle. It fails
- We get into the Christmas spirit by singing the 12 days of chavmas
- The VAT rate gets cut. I ensure that virgin media and O2 pass it on
December
- GMTV announce that Mr Masturbator will be returning to our screens in the new year. I get very afraid
- Me and Yvonne celebreate 3 years together by doing nothing
- We get Stuart a new bed. So far he has slept in it twice!
- A battle for Christmas Number one starts. Unfortunately, nothing can stop Simon Cowell
- Christmas hits us and the same so called family memeber that didn’t bother getting Stuart a birthday present didn’t bother getting Stuart and Alex anything for Christmas either. Just as Nostradamus foretold. One has to wonder if his fake family only got a piece of coal
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