Dave Thorp's Blog

Happy New Year one and all, and it’s time to check on our aims

Aim One

Aim one is to bring back public flogging just for the woman in Preston who decided to mug a girl having an epiletic fit rather than doing what any decent human being would do and rush to help her

Aim Two

Aim two is to get the banker on Deal or No Deal to offer lots and lots of cash in return for the Deal or No Deal Knights never being allowed to perform on television again

Aim Three

Aim Three is to tackle the issue of fuel poverty by hibernating for the winter

Aim Four

Aim four is to raid the January sales, particularly at Zavvi and Woolworths

Aim Five

Aim five is to do something to improve the quality of television programming over the festive period by tying the queen to her throne, gagging her and locking the door!

New year means it’s time to see if Nosty will be able to enjoy frozen left over turkey prepared on his very own barbecue

A member of Stuart and Alexander Thorp’s family wont bother getting them anything for Christmas… flying start for Nostradamus as their Grandfather seems to have totally forgotten he has grandchildren (too busy playing happy families with someone old enough to be his daughter and another man’s kid). Stuart and Alex however are enjoying playing with their invisible trainset they got off him!

The Christian Church will realise that they actually got the date of Jesus’ birth wrong and move Christmas to July… I’m afraid not…. they are actually moving it to August

It will rain frogs and ants will devour the entire world…. there has been no form of amphibious precipitation and the world is pretty much undevoured.

Here are next months predictions. 2 out of three correct means Nosty will be able to prepare a special valentines barbecue meal for his loved ones

Prediction One

A major high street chain will go bust, into administration or otherwise close down

Prediction Two

No one will consume Haggis, neeps or tatties on January 25th

Prediction Three

I, Nostradamus, will once again fail to win the barbecue

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This entry was posted on Thursday, January 1st, 2009 at 12:00 am and is filed under Aims. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.