Dave Thorp's Blog

New month means new aims

Aim One

Aim one is to release full details of Steven Thorp’s previous affair with his friend’s wife on a public website should he not start being a better father or grandfather… and by better father or grandfather we mean to his real family… as in the ones related by blood… unfortunately

Aim Two

Aim two is to celebrate the election of America’s first black president by electing a black leader of the conservative party and then having the UK’s first black Prime Minister next year

Aim Three

Aim three is to work out what kind of drugs Cadbury’s must be putting in their chocolate for someone in their advertising department to come up with the idea of kids with twitching eyebrows

Aim Four

Aim four is to expose the complete and utter lie that is comparethemeerkat.com as not one single person is mixing that site up with comparethemarket.com

Aim Five

Aim five is to celebrate the return of Krypton Factor to TV by arrange for a large aircraft to crash on Ben Shepard’s head and the Krypton Factor Cube before asking where the hell is the response round?

Nosty might be losing his status as a totally accurate mystic. Let’s see if he has redeemed himself by getting two out of three of last months predictions correct

A major high street chain will go bust, into administration or otherwise close down… great start as both Land of Leather and Empire Direct go bust. Well not a great start for them of course but for Nostradamus

No one will consume Haggis, neeps or tatties on January 25th… wrong as lots of people did, particularly in Scotland!

I, Nostradamus, will once again fail to win the barbecue… why’s this one brown I hear you ask. Well when you mix red and green you get brown and as Nosty only got one right yes he did fail to win the barbecue…. which means he got two right and won the barbecue…. which means he only got one right and didn’t win it… which means we could be here all night until the barbecue has been destroyed by the time paradox Nostradamus has created

So no barbecue this month however here are next month’s predictions

Prediction One

David Thorp will receive an invisible bottle of Jack Daniels and Alexander Thorp will receive an invisible aeroplane from a member of their family for their birthdays

Prediction Two

This site will generate no search hits for female Deal or No Deal contestants during the month of February

Prediction Three

The river of blood will boil and then the vampires will feed on the earth