Dave Thorp's Blog

Given the rarity of posts to this blog recently, something needs to be done. So time to resurrect monthly feature where we take a look at our 5 aims for the blog each month, and resident mystic Nostradamus makes some frighteningly accurate predictions for the month ahead. A feature that is in no way a rip off of two features that were on the programme affectionately known as TMWRNJ during the late 90s

So here are our aims for February/March

Aim One

Aim one is to utilise Gordon Brown’s new interest in fisticuffs by settling the UK general election battle between him and David Cameron in the only way possible………. FIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHT!!!

Aim Two

Aim two is to transfer strangely popular (even though its crap but so crap it’s good) gameshow Take Me Out to channel 5 changing the format of the show so each week it features an annoying celebrity who is then “taken out” by members of the public using a vast array of semi-automatic weaponry

Aim Three

Aim three is to take photo’s of all the snow Britain has had this year, post them to anyone going on about how burning fuels creates greenhouse gases and global warming with a caption saying “look how wrong you are”.

Aim Four

Aim four is to punish Ashley Cole for once again making the frankly ludicrous decision to cheat on his wife when his wife is as hot as Cheryl Cole, oddly enough since she is Cheryl Cole, by inviting him to take part in the C5 version of “Take Me Out”, whilst leading him to believe it’s actually the ITV version

Aim Five

Aim five is to solve the big freeze by recycling. Simply take any of the photographs from aim 3 that are left over and then set fire to them providing warmth, and much needed greenhouse gases if the global warming activists are to be believed

He’s been hibernating for the winter but he’s back with his stunningly accurate predictions all in the name of netting him the very special prize should he manage to get two out of three right…. his very own barbecue. So here are his predictions for February/March

Prediction One

Alexander Thorp will receive an invisible card and present from a certain member of his family for his birthday for the third year running

Prediction Two

Ashley Cole will be executed for his crime of cheating on the “nation’s sweetheart”

Prediction Three

Rian from ITV’s “Take Me Out” will be given her own diet series

I’ve just started a campaign to try and get the proper version of REM’s Everybody Hurts to chart higher than the charity single released next Sunday. Now before anyone starts on me I am aware of the following

1. This has been done before – Yes I’m aware that Tracy and Jon Morter did exactly this at Christmas. However their campaign raised £100k for the homeless which is a very good cause

2. It’s wrong to take on a charity single – If the RATM4XMAS campaign taught us anything it’s that the single the campaign was opposing still sold and it still sold well. Furthermore as a donations page has been set up by me for this campaign, providing it takes off, more money will be raised for charity than if this campaign didn’t exist. I will also hopefully as long as it doesn’t violate the terms of any affiliate programmes I am on be posting a number of affiliate links to download the song and donating the revenue to the cause.

3. You have no hope of succeeding – probably not, whilst RATM4XMAS did succeed, that had weeks to prepare. We have days! But even if the campaign becomes even a fraction as successful as the last one it will still help a good cause

The facebook group can be found HERE and the just giving page for donations HERE