Dear Sir/Madam,

Sent from my iPad

Not happy to say the least!

On Friday 7th October every major network announced their pricing for the iPhone 4S and opened up pre ordering for new and existing customers to order the phone for either store pickup or delivery on launch day. Every network except O2 that is. Not only were they last to announce pricing but they have also made it only available to existing customers (which in itself isn’t a bad thing) but they are also treating those existing customers like second class citizens by making them queue up in the cold and rain at stupid O’Clock to be able to guarantee getting the handset on launch day and even then it isn’t guaranteed when every single other UK network will happily post one out to you. O2′s twitter feed have been bombarded with complaints about this with their response basically being that doing it this way ensure the maximum number of people can get it on launch day which frankly is complete and utter bollocks!

We then move on to the fast track upgrade issue. Over the course of this weekend a number of O2 customers who have obtained quotes to upgrade early have suddenly found themselves no longer eligible to upgrade. After doing some digging it seems that these customers are no longer eligible due to a change in the terms of upgrading early now requiring customers to be on a £40 or higher tariff. This is another example of O2 altering terms and conditions to suit themselves on a whim such as when they removed unlimited data from tariffs and tried to retroactively alter the terms of existing customers to prevent them from changing tariff. It’s also an example of O2′s short sightedness as to who counts as a high spender as my monthly spend with them is over £40 but is spread over 4 accounts.

Thankfully this is one O2 customer who won’t be queuing in the rain for my iPhone 4S. Three have already confirmed my pre-order with them will be arriving on Friday on launch day. As for O2, despite having bought every iPhone from them since iPhone 3G, they will not be getting a sale from me for 4S. Plus over the course of the next 8 months I’ll be terminating all but one of my accounts with them. Which is a pity as if they hadn’t started to lose their way over the last year or so they would still have many happy customers and not the horde of customers ready to jump ship they currently have.

Camera goes absolutely crazy on shots of Evan – 1 finger each time the camera moves (I accept no responsibility if you run out of alcohol in the first two minutes of the show…. which you will)

The bad music (you know the one, the one that goes der der der der der der der) plays during a pitch – 1 finger

Pitch involves any form of costume – 1 finger

Pitch involves someone singing – 1 finger

Close up shot of piles of money on a table – 1 finger

Pitcher stutters or otherwise displays nerves or becomes flustered at any point during the pitch or questioning – 1 finger

Pitcher has sold their home, re mortgaged, given up work or otherwise placed their entire future security at risk to pursue their idea – 1 finger

Pitcher has sold their home, re mortgaged, given up work or otherwise placed their entire future security at risk to pursue their absolutely ridiculous idea and is sent packing by the dragons – 1 finger

A dragon offers to buy someones product – 1 finger

Peter Jones says “hi I’m Peter” despite the fact that if people didn’t know who he was they wouldn’t be on the show – 1 finger

Theo refers to Mrs P or his kids inheritance – 1 finger

Shot of Duncan looking miserable or bored – 1 finger

Shot of any dragon looking confused or puzzled – 1 finger

Deborah says she likes something – 1 finger

Duncan is the first dragon out – 1 finger

Peter is the last dragon out – 1 finger

Two or more of the dragons combine to make an offer – 1 finger

Two or more of the dragons get into an argument over a pitchers figures – 1 finger

Two or more of the dragons get into an argument over a pitchers figures neither of whom are Duncan – 2 fingers

Hilary says “hello I’m Hilary” – 2 fingers

Bad music plays in a pitch even though nothing bad has happened – 2 fingers

An invention fails to work – 2 fingers

Theo breaks an invention – 2 fingers

Duncan gets out of his chair to try out an invention – 2 fingers

Two or more rival dragons or groups of dragons make an offer – 2 fingers

An inventor gets their figures wrong – 2 fingers

An inventor is forced to call their business partner/friend/mum from downstairs to save them – 2 fingers

A pitcher rejects all offers on the table – 2 fingers

Any dragon makes an offer for more than double the equity originally offered – 2 fingers

Any dragon undercuts another dragon – 2 fingers

Duncan throws his toys out of his pram demonstrating less maturity than most preschoolers – 2 Fingers

A previously rejected inventor turns up with a new invention which is also rejected – 2 fingers

A previously rejected inventor turns up with a new invention and walks out with an investment – 3 fingers

Hilary says “hello I’m Hilary” and the pitcher looks as though they don’t have a clue who she is – 3 Fingers

Duncan makes an offer – 3 fingers

Duncan says “I cannae see this making me any money, I’m OOOOOOt” word for word – 3 fingers

All 5 dragons make an offer (in teams or solo) – 4 fingers

Hilary says “Ee By Gum” – 4 fingers

Any dragon makes an offer involving giving up half of the business and/or the blood of the pitchers firstborn child – 4 fingers

James Caan, Doug Richard, Richard Farleigh, Rachel Elnaugh or Simon Woodroffe make an offer – down any remaining drinks and stop watching repeats on Dave

A pitcher leaves with the exact amount of money they asked for giving up the exact amount of equity they originally wanted to – down any drinks you can lay your eyes on

A dragon is talking to a boy called Merlin and sounds like John Hurt – You are watching Merlin, sober up quick whilst gazing adoringly at Morgana

One of the dragons actually breathes fire – drink some coffee and sober up quick

Enjoy and remember please drink responsibly

Background

Early on into the failure of the PSN network and Sony’s general failure to protect our personal data or provide us any kind of meaningful information on when service is going to be resumed, I purchased a new PS3 to replace one whose blu ray drive had ever so nicely decided to conk out. Due to PSN being down I have as yet been unable to sync my trophies or download my DLC to my console limiting what I can play as I have several games like Dragon Age 1 and 2 for which some of the DLC is an integral part to the story.

About 1 week ago or so I have the random thought that as the console is now handing out trophies that I have already earned as it hasn’t synced with my PSN account, maybe I could re-earn my sole platinum trophy I have achieved so far which is on Final Fantasy XIII. This platinum is one that I earned after two playthroughs of the game totalling about 200 hours of gameplay. The platinum is possible on just one playthrough though assuming you don’t miss anything or stupidly sell or dismantle any treasures that are only available in spheres at certain points in the game so it is my aim to re-achieve it in just the one playthrough and hopefully with significantly less playtime but still a significant amount of playtime that should highlight the amount of time Sony have allowed PSN to stay down for.

Progress

This section will be updated at the end of each day/session with my progress. I only started this post fairly late in the story however there is much that needs to be done even after completion of the main story.

15/05/11 – 20:26

Knowing that PSN was coming back up today has been one long grind really. Firstly killing as many adamantoises as I could with the summon/death trick in hope of them dropping a trapezohedron. I got one trapezohedron which I promptly used to transform Lightning’s weapon to ultimate and then maxed it with the array of ultracompact reactors I had accumulated from selling platinum ingots. Tried to kill a few more in hope of another trap but none were forthcoming. Moved on and completed chapter 12 after another stupidly easy encounter with the proudclad.

Sailed through chapter 13 until I reached the ramp containing enemies worth 32k CP each. Grinded there until characters had maxed core roles, one secondary role and were well on their way to maxing an additional secondary role and that is as far as I got before the news arrived that PSN was back (at least partially). So trophies have been synced and I have my platinum back but failed the challenge of re-earning it before the restoration of PSN. But at least I have my lightning theme on my XMB again!

15/05/11

Sony are starting to restore PSN services in some regions including trophy sync so its likely I’m going to fail this challenge as my platinum trophy should sync back over once I download the new firmware and connect to PSN. It’s a shame as if it was down for another week or if I’d started this challenge a lot earlier than I did, I might have succeeded. I may continue this playthrough anyway and try to max out the crystarium and 5* all missions which would earn pretty much every trophy bar the annoying treasure hunter one

14/05/11

Completed a few more Ci’eth missions, completed Taejin’s tower, reached Oerba and rebuilt Bhakti earning the pulsian pioneer trophy in the process. Obtained and upgraded taming pole to max tier 2. Lightning, Hope, Fang and Vanille now have max tier 2 weapons. Need 4 trapezohedrons to convert to untimate weapons but only way to get them is for 2million gil or by farming Adamantoise. Attempt to kill an adamantoise, fail miserably. Console myself by taking down as many adamanchelids instead. Complete chapter 11. Reach leviathan plaza on chapter 12 after the easiest ever encounter with Proudclad’s first form which due to my excessive levelling I take down in one stagger. Attempt to kill the adamantoise using vanille and summon/death. Fail on 3 occasions before giving up for the day.

13/05/11

Little progress. Reached but did not enter Taejin’s tower instead choosing to double back and do a few more missions and continue building my teleportation network

11/05/11

As expected made little progress in terms of story in chapter 11 due to its size and that I’m power levelling to try and make life a touch easier when I get to endgame. Completed Ci’eth missions 1-15 though without 5* so some will have to be reattempted in endgame. Reached maw of the abyss and grinded until all characters had maxed all 3 core disciplines and are learning a 4th discipline. Achieved a trophy for completing all low level Ci’eth stones. Killed Juggernaut for no reason other than because I could. Discovered the joy that is increased ATB rate synthesised ability, something I’ve never done in either playthrough before but increases lightnings ATB rate by 15% which doesn’t sound much but does made a difference. Lightning also has nearly maxed her tier 2 helter skelter. Hope has a maxed tier 1 Airwing and is waiting until I find the transformational catalyst (I refuse to buy catalyst until absolutely necessary preferring to farm them or pick them up in treasure spheres or mission rewards – Gil is short enough in this game without wasting money on something I can pick up for free). Fang is waiting for taming pole before I upgrade her weapon. All other characters have tier 1 weapons.

10/05/11

Completed chapters 9, 10 and commenced chapter 11 of the story. Have just entered the Archylte Steppe and accepted the 1st Ci’eth Stone mission. Have earned all story trophies so far and the loremaster trophy which unlocked for getting information on 100 enemies. Aims for next day attempt any possible Ci’eth missions and startt to build my teleportation network and unlock Chocobos. Reach Maw of the Abyss and grind to level up. Kill Juggernaut at end of Maw of the Abyss that was impossible on my first playthrough but possible on my 2nd and 3rd and progressively easier with each play. Also want to see if it is possible to kill an Adamantoise in chapter 11 rather than run away from them very fast as is the normal tactic. On my last playthrough I managed to kill one in chapter 12 despite it being supposedly impossible by using Vanille’s summon/spam death trick. This allowed both treasure spheres to be obtained in chapter 12 which is also meant to be impossible

Have to say it is hard enough to walk through the city centre without being harassed by beggars, charity direct debit leeches, people trying to sell you crap you don’t want and the stupid police tardis box which is dangerous and blocks the view of traffic when crossing cheapside without a radio station adding to the potential dangers and harassment when all you want to do is go about your business!

Why not celebrate by pre ordering the Entire Saga, the Original Trilogy or the Prequel Trilogy on blu ray

Middle of last week, they ran an article about police wasting £20k including the deployment of a police chopper in order to arrest two people for the hellish crime of recycling having taken items worth 47p from their local tip. The full article can be found here

This prompted me to send in the following letter expressing my thoughts on the story and the actions of the police who should be far too busy dealing with drug dealers, murderers and armed robbers to be bothered by a couple of people recycling

I was absolutely disgusted to read in today’s paper about police
wasting £20k of funds including deploying a helicopter to nick two
people for taking items worth 47p from a tip.

No wonder this country is rife with drugs, murderers and armed robbers
when the police are far too busy targeting the recyclers!

The letter printed in the paper today is as follows

HOW dare cops spend £20,000 to nab two people for nicking items worth 47p from a tip. If something that has been thrown on a tip is considered useful by someone else it is called recycling. No wonder this country is going to the dogs

Nice to see I was quoted word for word there!

Well in one way it is a big iPod touch. But on the other hand it does make browsing the web, and in particular using social networking and watching news a lot easier compared to doing all of the above on my iPhone which I frequently would do. Games such as angry birds and the like also benefit from having the larger screen the iPad provides. I’m certainly finding a lot more use for the device than I felt I would especially when it launched and I called it 4 iPod touches glued together, a comment I’ve since found to be inaccurate – it’s actually more like 6!

The burning question is would I pay for one? Hard to say since my ownership of one is down to being luckily selected to win the competition 3 Mobile were running. I certainly wouldn’t fork out for the top 64 GB model as I’m finding it hard to fill mine but a lower end model may be worth the money. Saying that I won’t be forking out for an iPad 2 which the only differences between that and my model is it’s thinner, faster, has two cameras that are so poor they may as well not bothered, magnetic cases that offer no protection for the back and a gyroscope that I’ve found little use for in my iPhone 4 never mind iPad 2. Oh and it’s actually just 6 iPod touches glued together…….

Brown – iPod Shuffle – Old Kent Road

Light Blue – Pogo Pro (substituted for £100 cheque as prize not available) – Euston Road

Purple – Blackberry Curve – Northumberland Avenue

Orange – Laptop – Marlborough Street

Red – £500 experience voucher – Strand

Yellow – Weekend Break – Coventry Street

Green – Mini Cooper – Bond Street

Dark Blue – £500k – Mayfair

Stations – £500 littlewoods credit – Liverpool St Station

As you can see I’ve yet to establish the rare stickers for brown, light blue and orange. If anyone else has established the sticker feel free to comment.

On the subject of comments, after the complete horror that was last year where some of the most stupid people on god’s green earth decided to comment the following serves as an FAQ

1. People wanting to sell their park lane stickers and split the £500k, just take a second to look at how this promotion works. You have a park lane sticker, I have a park lane sticker, EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN TO MCDONALDS HAS A FRICKING PARK LANE STICKER!!! The park lane sticker is WORTHLESS without the mayfair sticker of which there is just one in circulation. Therefore a fair price for anyone wanting to sell a park lane sticker is £0.00 including postage!

2. If you have won, your sticker tells you how to claim, there is no reason to post here claiming to have mayfair, bond street or any of the other valuable rare stickers. You should be too busy claiming and enjoying your prize, if indeed you are telling the truth which is highly unlikely

Camera goes crazy on shots of Evan – 1 finger

The bad music (you know the one, the one that goes der der der der der der der) plays during a pitch – 1 finger

Pitch involves any form of costume – 1 finger

Close up shot of piles of money on a table – 1 finger

Pitcher stutters or otherwise displays nerves or becomes flustered at any point during the pitch or questioning – 1 finger

Pitcher has sold their home, re mortgaged, given up work or otherwise placed their entire future security at risk to pursue their idea – 1 finger

A dragon offers to buy someones product – 1 finger

Peter Jones says “hi I’m Peter” despite the fact that if people didn’t know who he was they wouldn’t be on the show – 1 finger

Theo refers to Mrs P or his kids inheritance – 1 finger

Shot of Duncan looking miserable or bored – 1 finger

Shot of any dragon looking confused or puzzled – 1 finger

Deborah says she likes something – 1 finger

Duncan is the first dragon out – 1 finger

James is the last dragon out – 1 finger

James makes an offer – 1 finger

Two or more of the dragons combine to make an offer – 1 finger

Bad music plays in a pitch even though nothing bad has happened – 2 fingers

An invention fails to work – 2 fingers

Theo breaks an invention – 2 fingers

Duncan gets out of his chair to try out an invention – 2 fingers

Two or more rival dragons or groups of dragons make an offer – 2 fingers

An inventor gets their figures wrong – 2 fingers

An inventor is forced to call their business partner/friend/mum from downstairs to save them – 2 fingers

A pitcher rejects all offers on the table – 2 fingers

Any dragon makes an offer for more than double the equity originally offered – 2 fingers

Any dragon undercuts another dragon – 2 fingers

A previously rejected inventor turns up with a new invention which is also rejected – 2 fingers

A previously rejected inventor turns up with a new invention and walks out with an investment – 3 fingers

Duncan makes an offer – 3 fingers

All 5 dragons make an offer (in teams or solo) – 4 fingers

Duncan makes an offer in partnership with James – down any remaining drinks

A pitcher leaves with the exact amount of money they asked for giving up the exact amount of equity they originally wanted to – down any drinks you can lay your eyes on

One of the dragons actually breathes fire – drink some coffee and sober up quick

Enjoy and remember please drink responsibly