Posts Tagged “Aims”

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May 01 2009

May 2009 Aims

Posted by Dave in Aims, tags: , , , ,

It’s aims time

Aim One

Aim one is to buy a DVD off knock off Nigel of TVs “Are You Being Served” featuring the rare episode where Mr Humphries travels to Australia and hooks up with a Shelia

Aim Two

Is to celebrate Alistair Darling’s policy of taxing the rich to assist the poor by moving 11 Downing Street to Sherwood Forest and finding him some merry merry men

Aim Three

Aim three is to create a set of eligibility criteria for the Sun’s Page 3 Idol competition so people over the age of 40, generally ugly or covered in tattoos don’t waste their time

Aim Four

Aim four is to hope and pray that on official star wars day 2009 George Lucas decides to release both Star Wars trilogies onto Blu Ray

Aim Five

Aim five is to badger Peter Jackson into doing the same with the Lord of the Rings trilogy by locking him in a large room with a bunch of Orcs until he sees sense

Surely by now Nostradamus must have gotten 2 out of 3 of his predictions right to win his very own barbecue. Let’s find out

Prediction one was “Joining the rest of the nation in confusing Jade Goody with their mother, Princes William and Harry will be seen crying at Jade Goody’s funeral”…… and no the princes demonstrated more common sense than the rest of the nation combined by realising that their mother and Jade Goody are very different people

Prediction two was “Stuart and Alexander Thorp will receive an invisible Easter Egg off one of their so called relatives this month”….. and yes the overwhelming generosity towards their own flesh and blood demonstrated by one relative of Stuart and Alex who shall remain nameless continues.

Prediction three was “The moon will fall out of orbit and crash into the Earth destroying all except one small ant”……. well for a start we’ve seen more than one ant today so he’s wrong on that count before we even analyse the rest of the prediction

This months predictions are

Prediction One

Star wars and the lord of rings will both be released on Blu Ray

Prediction Two

Alistair Darling will dress up as Robin Hood and Gordon Brown will dress up as Maid Marion for a fancy dress party

Prediction Three

Page 3 idol will be won by an ugly 50 year old covered in tattoos

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Mar 31 2009

April 2009 Aims

Posted by Dave in Aims, tags: , , , ,

Aims Time!

Aim One

Aim one is to use the miracles of modern genetic engineering to cross a 3 humped camel with a pink female orientated car insurance firm…. just to see what happens!

Aim Two

Aim two is to celebrate the axing of the Jeremy Kyle show by telling him to get off his arse and get a job!

Aim Three

Aim three is to finally find a use for the meerkat from the compare the meerkat adverts by having him highlight to the great british public the very very very very very many differences between Princess Diana and Jade Goody with the only similarity being they are both dead

Aim Four

Aim four is to be very very afraid at the amount of credit JD Williams have given me now

Aim Five

Aim five is to try and go just one month without having anything break down

Has resident mystic Nostradamus finally won a device that will enable him to undercook a variety of meat products generally known as a barbecue. Only time, and the next section of this post will tell!

Prediction one was Jade Goody will die this month…. and indeed yes she did, and she certainly made sure we all knew about it!

Prediction two was The daily mail will be offended by a one legged, two headed, five breasted childrens TV presenter. No one else will be though…. amazingly no the daily mail hasn’t been offended by much this month. And if anyone actually finds a creature like in Nosty’s prediction, send them this way!

The city of Cardiff will sink into the sea….. nope the people of Cardiff have not taken up swimming!

Here are next months predictions

Prediction One

Joining the rest of the nation in confusing Jade Goody with their mother, Princes William and Harry will be seen crying at Jade Goody’s funeral

Prediction Two

Stuart and Alexander Thorp will receive an invisible Easter Egg off one of their so called relatives this month

Prediction Three

The moon will fall out of orbit and crash into the Earth destroying all except one small ant

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Mar 02 2009

March 2009 Aims

Posted by Dave in Aims, tags: , , , ,

A tad late but lets check on our aims

Aim One

Aim one is to take a moment out to just reflect on the fact that a great TV personality who has made a great contribution to the entertainment of the UK is likely to die of cancer this month….. what’s that….. Wendy Richard died last month…. BUGGER!

Aim Two

Aim two is to solve all of this countries current problems by bringing back Nazi style gas chambers, installing them in the studio for the Jeremy Kyle Show and then feeling safe in the knowledge that not only have we eliminated a useless part of the UK population but we have also eliminated Kyle himself.

Aim Three

Aim Three  is to chop the arms off anyone still complaining about CBeebies presenter Cerrie Burnell and see how they like it

Aim Four

Aim four is to launch a new incredibly popular website called Meerkat in a blender and put the Meerkat from the compare the meerkat adverts into a blender live for the sites launch

Aim Five

Aim five is to avoid watching Comic Relief as the sight last week of Jo Brand dressed as Britney Spears from the Baby One More Time Video is enough to mentally scar anyone for life

Well it’s that time where we see just how many predictions Nosty got right and if he’ll be able to enjoy roasting his easter eggs on his very own barbecue. Just two out of three right is all he needs from last months predictions

Prediction one was David Thorp will receive an invisible bottle of Jack Daniels and Alexander Thorp will receive an invisible aeroplane from a member of their family for their birthdays….. and yep they did. What thoughtful gifts!

Prediction two was This site will generate no search hits for female Deal or No Deal contestants during the month of February…. and within a matter of hours nosty had got that wrong

Prediction three was The river of blood will boil and then the vampires will feed on the earth…. errrr WRONG!

So will he win next month? Do we even care? Well here are next months predictions anyway

Prediction One

Jade Goody will die this month

Prediction Two

The daily mail will be offended by a one legged, two headed, five breasted childrens TV presenter. No one else will be though

Prediction Three

The city of Cardiff will sink into the sea

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