Dave Thorp's Blog

In the middle of a recession, even TV companies are feeling the pinch with ITV cutting back by introducing a vast array of gameshows where the contestants win naff all and only broadcasting in high definition for 2 minutes per week via a medium that only one person has.

But there are much simpler ways they can save money. The X-Factor is known to cost them a small fortune which they make back from selling advertising revenue to any stores selling very high pairs of trousers. However, a quick look at the main goals of the show suggest a much cheaper way to achieve the same results. And here it is.

July 2010 – Hire psychological illusionist Derren Brown to film a two hour segment during which he programmes the nation to buy a song of his choosing during the week before Christmas when triggered by a word of Derren’s choosing (sheep would probably be appropriate) and to call a premium rate phone number 10 times during each showing of the segment. For arguements sake make this song a cover of the classic Christmas hit “Mr Blobby” however any other song would do

September 2010 – Start showing the pre-recorded segment every week on a Saturday Night on ITV1 and on ITV2 at any time they would normally show the X-Factor or a related spin off show

December 2010 – Go out into the streets, pick any 16-20 year old at random, drag them into a recording studio and make them record their own cover version of the classic song chosen earlier. Edit the recording so it makes it sound like the person selected can actually sing

Week before Xmas 2010 – Cut the telephone wires of any individual who is a member of a facebook group organising resistance to the X-Factor single to stop them going online and buying the protest song. Send all members of that group a package containing swine flu to prevent them going to HMV to buy it either. Release their single, get Derren Brown to issue whatever the trigger word is and behold as exactly the same result is achieved as has been in 2005-2008 (and possibly 2009), at a fraction of the cost meaning Simon can afford another 100 pairs of impossibly high trousers

In the words of another annoying individual who should be shot for crimes against humanity…… SIMPLES!

Anyone wanting to but the lovely protest single by Rage Against the Machine can do so on one of the following links

HMV

And in the interest of fair play anyone who wants the X-Factor winners single can obtain it HERE