Tag Archives: predictions

May 2010 Aims

Time once again to take a look at this blogs aims

Aim One

Aim one is to adopt the apple way of thinking by developing a new product that isn’t just 4 other products glued together, take the prototype out to a pub, leave it in the pub and then get the bloke who very kindly returned it to me arrested

Aim Two

Aim two is to retrain every single pilot flying in and out of Great Britain and teach them how to fly their planes away from or around obstacles rather than sitting on their bums for week because they can’t be bothered

Aim Three

Aim three is to allow voting for the UK general election by Twitter, thereby granting the Liberal Democrats a landslide victory

Aim Four

Aim four is to force Gordon Brown to enter the big brother house where we can see him insult the electorate without realising he has a mic 24 hours a day

Aim Five

Aim five is to plaster a giant picture of Graham Norton all over BBC Television Centre and see how they like it (though thankfully any BBC employees with BBCHD will be immune)

Summer is here (least for another week or so) so lets see how Nostradamus did with last months predictions

Prediction One was “Apple will release a brand new iPhone that isn’t just 4 iPhones glued together”…….. and its a no, though as they will probably just leave it in a bar that’s probably a blessing

Prediction Two was “Gordon Brown will place a booking for a removal van on a date early in May” and indeed he has (or probably has), after insulting the electorate on a microphone even Gordon can’t be deluded enough to believe he wont be needing to move house in the next few days

Prediction Three was “The Lord will bring on the full fury of his wrath burning the earth to a cinder and then it will rain fish”…. Earth not a cinder….. no fish…. WRONG!

Here are next months predictions

Prediction One

Nick Clegg will be the next UK prime minister

Prediction Two

Iceland supermarkets will be forced into liquidation following the disruption caused by the ash cloud originating from them

Prediction Three

The British Aviation Authority will admit that flying around or away from things is preferable to sitting on their bums for a week

Just two out of three needed and Nosty will finally win the barbecue

April 2010 Aims

Aim One

Aim one is to adopt the Apple way of thinking by making a totally new product that is better than a car by gluing four cars together to come up with a revolutionary new method of transport that is four times bigger, more expensive and uses much more petrol

Aim Two

Aim two is to save Gordon Brown the hassle of needing to pack all his stuff ready to move out of 10 Downing Street by getting the voting public to lend him a hand, something they will only be too willing to do

Aim Three

Aim three is to solve the issue of the PS3 phat losing linux capabilities by adopting the apple way of thinking and coming up with a new and revolutionary product that you can play games on and run linux on. Gluing 4 PC’s together should do the trick

Aim Four

Aim four is to solve the problem of internet perverts preying on young innocent(!) impressionable youth by banning all people under the age of 18 from using the internet

Aim Five

Aim five is to come up with a brand new aim that is so much better than the previous four by adopting the Apple way of thinking and gluing the previous aims together

It’s freezing again, but why should that stop resident mystic Nostradamus from giving himself food poisoning on his very own barbecue. Just two out of three predictions correct from last month will do just that

Prediction One was “Alexander Thorp will receive an invisible card and present from a certain member of his family for his birthday for the third year running”….. cracking start as the generosity and love from a certain blood relative on my side of the family for their own Grandchildren continues to know no limits. Possibly would be funny if they weren’t just proving my point and proving me right

Prediction Two was “Ashley Cole will be executed for his crime of cheating on the “nation’s sweetheart””….. nope, though one can assume it’s only a matter of time. Either that or the daft cow will take him back again, blissfully unaware that pretty much every warm blooded male on the planet would be only to happy to take his place

Prediction Three was “Rian from ITV’s “Take Me Out” will be given her own diet series…… afraid not though the sponsorship deal with Mars Bars is due to be signed any day now

So no food poisoning this month. Here are next month’s predictions

Prediction One

Apple will release a brand new iPhone that isn’t just 4 iPhones glued together

Prediction Two

Gordon Brown will place a booking for a removal van on a date early in May

Prediction Three

The Lord will bring on the full fury of his wrath burning the earth to a cinder and then it will rain fish

The Return of Aims

Given the rarity of posts to this blog recently, something needs to be done. So time to resurrect monthly feature where we take a look at our 5 aims for the blog each month, and resident mystic Nostradamus makes some frighteningly accurate predictions for the month ahead. A feature that is in no way a rip off of two features that were on the programme affectionately known as TMWRNJ during the late 90s

So here are our aims for February/March

Aim One

Aim one is to utilise Gordon Brown’s new interest in fisticuffs by settling the UK general election battle between him and David Cameron in the only way possible………. FIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHT!!!

Aim Two

Aim two is to transfer strangely popular (even though its crap but so crap it’s good) gameshow Take Me Out to channel 5 changing the format of the show so each week it features an annoying celebrity who is then “taken out” by members of the public using a vast array of semi-automatic weaponry

Aim Three

Aim three is to take photo’s of all the snow Britain has had this year, post them to anyone going on about how burning fuels creates greenhouse gases and global warming with a caption saying “look how wrong you are”.

Aim Four

Aim four is to punish Ashley Cole for once again making the frankly ludicrous decision to cheat on his wife when his wife is as hot as Cheryl Cole, oddly enough since she is Cheryl Cole, by inviting him to take part in the C5 version of “Take Me Out”, whilst leading him to believe it’s actually the ITV version

Aim Five

Aim five is to solve the big freeze by recycling. Simply take any of the photographs from aim 3 that are left over and then set fire to them providing warmth, and much needed greenhouse gases if the global warming activists are to be believed

He’s been hibernating for the winter but he’s back with his stunningly accurate predictions all in the name of netting him the very special prize should he manage to get two out of three right…. his very own barbecue. So here are his predictions for February/March

Prediction One

Alexander Thorp will receive an invisible card and present from a certain member of his family for his birthday for the third year running

Prediction Two

Ashley Cole will be executed for his crime of cheating on the “nation’s sweetheart”

Prediction Three

Rian from ITV’s “Take Me Out” will be given her own diet series