Dave Thorp's Blog

Another guide through some classic TV shows that now no longer exist (or only exist on some cable/satellite TV channels)

Gladiators

Probably the kind of show you either loved or hated, this was on air back in the days when Saturday night TV was both popular and actually good at times.

Basically the show each week had 4 contenders (2 male and 2 female) who would compete in a series of events against the Gladiators before the final showdown of the eliminator assault course which would end with the Travelator (basically like climbing up an escalator going the wrong way). Of course to cater for both the male and female demographic all the Gladiators were kitted in rather tight lycra costumes.

Particular favourites amongst the male population (at least with me) were Jet and Lightning. There was of course also the male Gladiator we all loved to hate: the Wolf Man. Who rather amusingly could be seen getting in a strop whenever he lost and “Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf” would be heard across the tannoy.

Robot Wars

Not really robots but more radio controlled killing machines however good fun all the same.

Basically the show would have two of these machines pitted in an arena where the objective would then be for them to beat the crap out of each other using weapons such as spikes, axes, rams, flippers or cutting discs.

Probably the more memorable robots (besides house robots Sir Killalot) would be Razor who had an arm that could squeeze and slice the other robots, hypnodisc who was possibly the most destructive robot with a huge disc on the front that simply tore other robots apart and a robot whose name I can’t remember who was always covered in fur and always ended up on fire!

Shooting Stars

The show featuring Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer but also made Matt Lucas (of Little Britain fame) into a star dressed as a “great big baby” in a romper suit.

Featuring rounds such as, True or False, the clips round, the impressions round (including Vic’s Club Singer section), Maverick rounds, The Dove From Above (where a wrong answer would make you hear the sound “Uvavu” and if you win a special prize you’ll hear “Eraunu”) and finally the quick fire round where we really want to see those fingers!

The winning team would then nominate a member to take part in a challenge to win huge cash prizes. Probably the most memorable challenges would be the fruit drop challenge featuring progressively larger fruits dropped onto the contestants head starting with a grape and ending with a melon, the spud gun challenge where you have £100 in £20 notes, however a spud gun is fired at your arse and if you flinch, they pinch one of the notes and finally the challenge with timepieces varying from a watch to a grandfather clock being flung at you whilst you must deflect them with the shield of Cher (because she can turn back time)

Noel’s House Party

This show again was back in the days when Saturday night TV was popular. For a time it made the career of Noel Edmonds making him the face of Saturday Night TV. However following the regular introduction of Mr Blobby it also broke him something that would not be rectified until the start of Deal or No Deal.

Main features of the show were “Wait til I get you home” where kids dish the dirt on their parents, “NTV” where you could become the star of the show from your living room, “Grab a Grand” which had money from some obscure currency in a phonebox with a celebrity trying to grab as much as possible for a caller with it being blown about rather like the crystal dome on the crystal maze and finally the “Gotcha Oscars” where each week Noel would set a celebrity up doing something wacky and unexpected which they thought was perfectly real. Unfortunately the last section, whilst featuring some classics such as Dave Lee Travis’ gotcha also saw the beginning of the end which was Mr Blobby.

A lot of things from Noel’s House Party have been emulated by others (mainly Ant and Dec) but never really bettered.

The National Lottery

Yes Ok this is still on. However now it merely features quizzes with people we don’t care about winning a holiday, money or merely having to put up with being in the same room as Dale Winton for ten minutes.

However back in the day it featured things like, previous winners coming on to gloat about their new found wealth and invite begging letters (and they didn’t reply to a single one I sent). It also featured the wonderful attempt to predict who would win the lottery this week that was Mystic Meg. Now she was scary!

Of course, they haven’t realised yet that all we want is to simply get the numbers. Wednesdays seem to have got the drift now but Saturday hasn’t.

The Brian Conley Show

Again back when Saturday Night TV was actually popular rather than everyone being in the pub this was regularly on ITV.

Brian Conley had some classic characters on this show. Firstly their was Nick Frisbee and his old mate buddy pal Larry the Loafer. Now this was basically a piss take of the CBBC broom cupboard that featured on CBBC in the 80s and 90s (and was also classic). However in this case Nick would normally beat the crap out of Larry and when the audience sympathised would remind us “IT’S A PUPPET”

Dangerous Brian Conley was a mickey take of stunt men with him attempting some dangerous (or not so dangerous) stunts each week.

However possibly one of the best characters was inspired by Mystic Meg from the lottery show. Septic Peg would also predict who the winner of the lottery would be with staggering accuracy. For example she knew that it would be a man…… or a woman. She knew their name would begin with a…….. letter of the alphabet. She could even see them in their crystal ball…. they were buying something…. a lottery ticket. And they were writing something down….. its the six winning lottery numbers.

This Morning With Richard Not Judy

This was an under rated comedy show on BBC2 on Sunday lunchtimes. Stewart Lee and Richard Herring hosted their show with sketches and gags.

Highlights were the pause for thought with the unsual priest whose sermons occasionally involved describing all kinds of hell only for it to be a trip on magic mushrooms or “vanity of vanity, all is vanity…. but only I know the true meaning”.

Also featured in the first series “When Insects Attack” which took the piss out of shows on sky/cable/american TV of a similar nature. The idea was expanded on in the second series with “When Things Get Knocked Over, Spill, or Fall Out Of Cupboards”.

The curious orange was also a regular feature. This was basically an orange, that was curious about things although in the second series, following being pulped at the end of the first series, the orange took a sinister twist following some genetic engineering.

Notstradamus also featured making predictions that were very usually wrong, especially at the end of the the second series where she wrongly predicted that the BBC would commission a third series of the show.

Final noteworthy mention of this show were regular slaves Trevor and Natalie (Natalie was hot) who were made to wear silly costumes and serve the whims of whichever audience member was nominated as King (or Queen) of the show.